In search of lost memories

Keyword:

Memories, Ambiguity, Lost of time, Acceptance of trauma, Ambivalence between memories and emotions

 

 

 

This is a project to get my lost memories with my family back through following in the footsteps of my father who has passed away.

 

In my lifetime my mother passed away when I was 16, and my father did too in 2011 when I was 29. To see my father in his final couple of months, I got back from a foreign country I stayed at my home and took photos of him. A few years later I came across my family albums as I was cleaning up a room in my home. The images in those were taken from my birth to around 25 of my age. However, I wonder how I had been there, looking over them and I even felt I rather looked like a stranger.

 

I got decided I tried to visit the places I had been once so that I could remember to connect those memories. But I couldn't do any after all. In the process what I just realized was memories not in my family albums sometimes came to me in different situations. Although I was not sure when the memories were, they were vivid and photographic.

 

For consulting myself I've attended counselling in a clinical psychotherapy centre for these few months. Surprisingly I realized I couldn't remember the memories with my family since I was in high school till I was with my father in his end, even the date and the time he was departed. Moreover, I came out them to the counsellor: what I have a strange dream after my father's death, what I tell a lie to others that my patents are still alive well and what I feel bad when I see red light.

 I'll continue the counselling a little bit more.

 

Through this project, I'd like to find how I have been facing my family.

Memories
Sequence
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Fragments 
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Process

A vending machine

In the summer of 2007,

my father and sister asked me to buy them something to drink.

I walked to the closest vending machine from our house.

It was a sultry night. There was light rainfall.

My father asked for a coke.

I don’t remember what my sister asked for.

I walked 100 meters from the house to a red vending machine.

I bought 3 drinks and retraced my steps

A vending machine

In the summer of 2007,

my father and sister asked me to buy them something to drink.

I walked to the closest vending machine from our house.

It was a sultry night but it wasn’t raining.

My father asked for a coke.

I don’t remember what my sister asked.

I walked 100 meters from the house to a blue vending machine.

I bought 3 drinks and retraced my steps.

© 2019 Hajime Kimura All rights reserved.